Places
The kind of space that fits right now — a quiet cave, a small campfire, an easy watering hole, a library, or the whole habitat around them.
Moving between the zones. Cave, campfire, and watering hole are also a sociality gradient — the cave inward and solo, the campfire a small safe group, the watering hole open and social. They line up with the interaction moods: the cave with red (not right now), the campfire with yellow (people I know), the watering hole with green (come say hi). Moving between them on your own terms — alone, then together, then alone again — is intermittent collaboration: everyone needs all three, but not at once, and not in the same measure. Lay places, interaction moods, and lily pads in a row to map that rhythm.
the campfire
a few figures around a warm glow · “A small group, sharing.”
The campfire is a small circle around a warm glow, sharing and being told stories. It names warm, low-key togetherness — a few people you know, not a crowd, close enough to feel the warmth without the heat. In Thornburg's learning spaces, the campfire is the storyteller's circle, where a person learns from those who came before. When this card is out, keep the group small and the fire gentle. A campfire is not a stage, and no one at it should have to perform.
Pattern: 34 Collaboration Gradients · 06 Social Energy
the cave
a small den, low light, a person tucked in · “Somewhere quiet, just for you.”
The cave is a place you go alone — low light, close walls, the world kept outside for a while. This card names a need to be by yourself. It isn't hiding, and it isn't a shutdown from distress; it's the real rest and thinking that only happen away from other people. The cave is one of David Thornburg's learning-space ideas — the place where a person learns from themselves. When this card is out, protect the quiet: offer it freely, and don't make company or an explanation the price of it.
Pattern: 38 Attention Sanctuaries · 12 Energy Recovery · 21 Sensory Safe Zones
the habitat
the whole landscape holding the other four · “The world around it all — steady, sensory-safe.”
The habitat is the whole landscape that holds the cave, campfire, watering hole, and library. It's the conditions all around you, not a spot you stand in. It names the environment itself: the light, sound, texture, and rhythm that either fit a person or don't. This is the deck's big idea, as a place — you meet needs by shaping the surroundings, not by changing the person. When this card is out, the work is the environment. Make the habitat steady and sensory-safe, and the other places become reachable.
Pattern: 09 Environment Fit · 47 Collaborative Niche Construction
the library
shelves, maps, a book held open · “Where we keep what we've figured out.”
The library is where what a group has figured out is kept and shared — shelves, maps, a page held open. It names a pull toward looking things up and going deep: finding out more about what matters, and drawing on what others have already worked out. In Cavendish Space, it's the shared store the other places feed into. When this card is out, point toward the resource, not the answer. The library is a place to find your own way in, at your own pace.
Pattern: 14 Interest-Driven Learning · 43 Commons Infrastructure
the watering hole
figures resting easy near water · “A soft place to pause and be near people.”
The watering hole is the open, in-between place where people cross paths and talk easily — near others, with no need to join in. It names easy, background togetherness: drifting in and out, overhearing, being among people with no task or script. It is Thornburg's third learning space, where a person learns from peers. When this card is out, make room to hover at the edge. Being near people is the whole point, and joining in stays optional.
Pattern: 29 Parallel Presence · 34 Collaboration Gradients
your own
a blank card and a pencil · “A space that isn't here yet.”
It names the gap: a place no card catches. When this card is out, draw or write the missing one together — the deck grows from what people actually need.
Weather
How it feels inside right now — your inner weather, from bright to stormy. Not good or bad, just what's true this moment.
warm
a cozy glow, wrapped up · “Settled and safe.”
Warm is a cozy glow, wrapped up — settled, safe, at ease. This card names calm and safe: comfortable, steady, no alarm anywhere. Naming the good weather matters as much as naming the hard weather, so it can be noticed and returned to. When this card is out, notice what made it happen, and remember it. Those are the conditions worth repeating.
Pattern: 09 Environment Fit · 22 Regulation Windows
bright
clear sky, open light · “Clear and good right now.”
Bright is a clear sky and open light. Nothing is pressing in, and everything feels easy for now. This card names a good, simple stretch — settled, able, with room to move. Not every card is a problem to fix, and bright is the proof. When this card is out, notice what is keeping the sky clear, and leave it alone. Good weather is worth protecting, not interrupting.
fizzy
bubbles rising inside, a fizzing glass — excitement on the inside · “Bubbly and excited inside.”
Fizzy is happy bubbles rising inside — bright, bouncy excitement you feel before it shows. This card names good excitement: eager, lit up, full of go. Not all high energy is trouble, and fizzy is the happy kind. When this card is out, make room for the bubbles. Let the energy go somewhere instead of asking it to sit still.
happy flappy
a figure mid-flap, hands blurred with motion, bright sparks of joy around them · “So happy my body has to move.”
Happy flappy is joy too big to hold still — hands flapping, bouncing on toes, a whole-body yes. This card names happy stimming: delight that moves out through the body. It's the way many Autistic people feel and show joy. This is not something to calm down; it is the good thing itself. When this card is out, celebrate with them. Join the bounce, make room for the flap, and never still the hands.
Pattern: 19 Stim Regulation · 51 Bodymind Affirmation
in the zone
a figure deep in something, the world softened to a warm glow around them · “Deep in it, and it feels good.”
In the zone is deep, happy focus. Attention narrows to one thing while the rest of the world goes quiet. This is monotropic flow — the deep, absorbing focus many Autistic and ADHD minds do their best thinking in. It is a strength, not a distraction. Focus like this sends out little tendrils of thought. A sudden interruption feels like they get ripped out, and coming back to the surface takes time. When this card is out, protect it. Hold off interruptions, let it run, and give plenty of warning and time before it has to end. Lineage: monotropic flow, from monotropism; tendril theory (Erin, @EisforErin).
Pattern: 01 Monotropism · 05 Deep Attention
need more
a figure reaching outward in a muted, empty space, movement lines around them · “Everything's too flat and still — I need more.”
Need more is the under-filled feeling — the world too flat, too still, too quiet. The body reaches for input to feel right: movement, pressure, sound, something to crash into or spin. This is sensory seeking. It is regulation, not misbehavior or being "too much" — a body topping itself up to the level it needs. When this card is out, add input instead of taking it away: a chance to move, jump, push, squeeze, or make noise. Lineage: sensory seeking.
Pattern: 18 Sensory Thresholds · 19 Stim Regulation
buzzy
sparks, too many at once · “Too much coming in.”
Buzzy is a shower of sparks — too much coming in at once, the air crackling. This card names sensory or social overload: sound, light, movement, and demands all arrive together, and none of it filters out. Buzzy is weather, not a fault — the sparks come from the room as much as the person. When this card is out, turn the world down. Give fewer things to take in and more space, instead of asking the person to soak it all up.
Pattern: 03 Sensory Load · 18 Sensory Thresholds
prickly
thorns, everything scratches · “Everything's rubbing the wrong way.”
Prickly is thorns and scratchy edges — every touch, sound, and interruption rubbing the wrong way. This card names feeling irritable and raw, when ordinary things suddenly grate. This is the body reacting to its surroundings, not bad behavior. When this card is out, reduce the friction. Soften the textures, lower the demands, make space, and don't take the sharpness personally.
Pattern: 03 Sensory Load · 18 Sensory Thresholds
full
a jar filled to the brim · “No more room inside.”
Full is a jar filled to the brim — one more drop and it spills. This card names running out of room: not upset yet, but with no space left to take anything else in. Full is an early, honest warning, given before the overflow. When this card is out, stop adding. Pause new demands, and let some out before anything more goes in.
Pattern: 10 Energy Accounting · 16 Cognitive Load Windows
pulled every way
a small figure with arrows tugging outward in every direction at once · “Too many things pulling at me at once.”
Pulled every way is when too many things need attention at once. Each one tugs, none are finished, and there's no room to go deep on any of them. This card names the strain of splitting attention in a mind that likes to focus deeply, one thing at a time. It's not laziness or not trying — it's a mind built for depth being asked to spread thin. When this card is out, take things away instead of adding. One thing at a time, in order, and let the rest wait. Lineage: monotropic split (Tanya Adkin and David Gray-Hammond).
Pattern: 01 Monotropism · 13 Context Switching Cost
meerkat
a meerkat standing tall on the lookout, ears up, scanning for danger · “On alert, watching for danger.”
Meerkat is the on-alert feeling — standing guard, scanning for danger, unable to settle or focus, wanting someone safe close by. This card names a body stuck on high alert: not misbehaving, not clingy, but overwhelmed and looking for safety. When this card is out, be the safe one. Come close, stay near, lower the demands, and don't leave them to face it alone. Lineage: meerkat mode (Tanya Adkin and David Gray-Hammond).
Pattern: 23 Co-Regulation · 07 Regulation First
too seen
a small figure wanting to fold inward as soft gazes turn toward them from every side · “Being looked at is a lot right now.”
Too seen is the raw feeling of being looked at — every pair of eyes seems to land right on you. This card names a kind of exposure anxiety: not fear of danger, but the discomfort of being watched. Even kind, warm attention can feel like too much and make you want to disappear. It's different from meerkat, which is watching out for danger — too seen is about being the one who is watched, and the wish to be with people can still be there underneath. When this card is out, ease off: look away, lower the attention, and let the person be there without being on show. Their wish to hide doesn't mean they want to leave. Lineage: exposure anxiety (Donna Williams).
big step
a small figure at the foot of a giant step, or in a doorway that looms huge — looking up at a crossing that feels too big · “This next step feels too big.”
Big step is a small figure at the foot of a giant step — a doorway, a first day, a change that feels too big to cross. This card names threshold anxiety: the dread that lands right at the edge of a change, before it even begins. It is different from meerkat, which watches for danger, and from stormy, which is a feeling already spilling over. Big step is the fear of the crossing itself, felt before the first move. The step is big; the person is not small. When this card is out, make the step smaller. Warn before it comes (tell me first), break the crossing into parts (slowly), keep the exit in view (a way out), and don't rush the edge. Lineage: threshold anxiety, also called transition anxiety — close kin to exposure anxiety and rejection sensitive dysphoria.
Pattern: 13 Context Switching Cost · 35 Predictable Structure
round and round
a single looping line spiralling inward — a thought going round and round · “A thought that won't stop going round.”
Round and round is when one thought keeps looping — circling back, getting tighter, hard to step out of. Attention can lock onto a worry and pull in deeper, and the harder you push it away, the louder it gets. This isn't a choice or a fault; it's attention caught in a groove. When this card is out, don't argue with the thought. Help the person step out sideways: a change of place, a gentle thing to notice, company, or something for the hands. Lineage: monotropic spiral (Tanya Adkin and David Gray-Hammond).
Pattern: 01 Monotropism
stormy
big clouds about to break · “Big feelings, close to the edge.”
Stormy is big clouds about to break — pressure built up, feeling close to the edge. This card names strong emotion near its limit: overwhelmed, about to spill, weather that has to move through. A storm is not something to manage away; it's a front to get through safely. When this card is out, get to shelter. Lower the stimulation, drop the demands, stay steady and near, and let it pass without adding to it.
Pattern: 07 Regulation First · 23 Co-Regulation
tender
a small figure with a soft, sore glow along their skin, flinching as a tiny word lands nearby like a dropped pebble · “A small thing hurt a lot right now.”
Tender is like skin after too much sun — sore and raw, so even a light touch stings. This card names a small thing that hurts a lot. A word or a look can sting far more than it seems like it should, and the hurt comes fast and hard to put into words. Often it builds up after years of extra criticism. This is not being too sensitive; the soreness is real, and the world put it there — broken systems, not broken people. When this card is out, be gentle and clear: use kind words, say what you mean so there's nothing to guess, and remind the person they're still wanted and not in trouble. Let the hurt ease before anything else. Lineage: rejection sensitive dysphoria, the "emotional sunburn" — a term from the ADHD community, and increasingly the Autistic one.
running on empty
a hand holding the last one or two spoons, the rest of the day's already used up — running low, still here, not broken · “I'm running low right now.”
Running on empty is the last spoon in your hand, the rest of the day's already spent — the tank low, the battery nearly flat. This card names being out of energy: not sad, not overwhelmed, just spent, with nothing left to give and a real need to refill. It is different from heavy, which is a low, weighed-down mood, and from full, which is no more room to take things in — this is the fuel running out. Running low is not laziness, and pushing harder does not refill it. When this card is out, let the tank refill: take demands away, make rest truly allowed, and don't ask for what isn't there. Lineage: spoon theory (Christine Miserandino) — a way of counting the limited energy a day holds.
heavy
a weighted sky pressing down · “Low and weighed down.”
Heavy is a weighted sky pressing down. Everything is harder to lift, and both movement and mood slow down. This card names a low, weighed-down feeling: flat, tired, dim. Heavy weather is real weather. It is not laziness, and it is not a choice. When this card is out, lighten the load instead of pushing against it. Fewer expectations, gentle company or none, and time.
Pattern: 10 Energy Accounting · 12 Energy Recovery
foggy
low mist, edges blurred · “Hard to think, everything's slow.”
Foggy is low mist with the edges blurred. Thinking has gone slow and soft, and it's hard to find words or hold a plan. This card names brain fog: things process slower and less clearly, often after too much has already happened. Fog is something to wait out, not a failure to try harder. When this card is out, slow down and keep it simple. One thing at a time, no rush, and let the mist lift on its own.
Pattern: 04 Processing Time · 16 Cognitive Load Windows
can't tell
a figure with a faint, muffled question mark glowing at the belly and chest · “My body's telling me something, but I can't tell what.”
Can't tell is when the body's signals are hard to read. You might be hungry, thirsty, need the toilet, be too hot, or be hurting — but it doesn't come through clearly. This is interoception, the sense of what is happening inside the body. For many Autistic people, those signals are quiet or slow to arrive, especially when attention is elsewhere. Nothing is broken or missing; the messages are just faint. When this card is out, don't quiz or insist. Gently offer a drink, the toilet, a warm layer, or a rest, and let the person check without pressure. Lineage: interoception, the eighth sense.
far-away
a small figure at the end of a long view · “A bit distant, floating off.”
Far-away is a small figure at the end of a long view. The person is in the room but drifting off from it. This card names feeling spaced-out or checked-out — a soft disconnection, floating loose from the here and now. It is often the mind's way of stepping back when things are too much. When this card is out, don't yank the person back. Lower the intensity, offer a quiet anchor, and let them return at their own pace.
no words right now
a figure with bright, present eyes and a softly closed mouth, the voice curled up quiet inside · “The words won't come right now.”
No words right now is a voice gone quiet — the words are there, but the door to them is shut for now. This card names situational mutism: speech gets hard or impossible in some places, with some people, or when things are too much. It's never a choice and never rudeness, and often the person really wants to talk. Pushing for speech only makes the door heavier, and sometimes pointing, typing, or even a nod stop working too. When this card is out, take the pressure off talking: don't repeat or reword the question, don't wait for a spoken answer, and offer another way to share or just stay quietly nearby. Let the voice come back on its own. This card names a feeling — it never replaces a person's real communication tools. Lineage: situational mutism — "situational," not "selective," because it depends on the situation and is never chosen.
Pattern: 30 Communication Bandwidth · 07 Regulation First
your own
a blank card and a pencil · “A feeling that isn't here yet.”
It names the gap: a weather no card catches. When this card is out, draw or write the missing one together — the deck grows from what people actually need.
What helps
Small changes to the space that make things easier — quiet, softer light, room to move, a way out.
Building the niche. These cards name what would help — the need, not the thing that meets it. The materials are up to you and your budget: a den can be a pop-up tent or a blanket over a table; less to look at can be a screen, a corner, or a turned-around desk. For practical, low-cost ways to build these, see Creating Cavendish Space on a Budget and Nesting. The card names the need; niche construction fills it, with whatever you have.
a big squeeze
deep pressure, a weighted wrap · “Firm pressure that steadies me.”
A big squeeze is deep, even pressure — a weighted wrap, a firm hug, a tight tuck. This card names how firm pressure can calm the body. Many bodies feel steadier with a big squeeze when a light touch wouldn't help. This is well-understood sensory regulation, not neediness. When this card is out, offer the pressure the person asks for — and only the pressure they ask for, on their terms.
Pattern: 18 Sensory Thresholds · 22 Regulation Windows
a corner
a small figure tucked into a corner, walls on two sides · “Somewhere with sides, at my back.”
A corner is the cheapest cave there is — two walls meeting, a covered back, an edge to settle against. This card names a pull toward being tucked in. Sides and edges cut down the input and help a body feel held. Corners and nooks are in every room and cost nothing. When this card is out, find the person a corner, or make one with a shelf or some furniture, instead of asking them to settle out in the open.
Pattern: 21 Sensory Safe Zones · 38 Attention Sanctuaries
a den
a blanket or umbrella making a little roof overhead · “Something over me to tuck under.”
A den is a roof you make — a blanket over a table, an umbrella, a pop-up tent, a hood pulled up. This card names the comfort of cover overhead. A small, closed-in pocket drops the light and noise and marks off a space that's yours. Dens are quick to build from what's already in the room. When this card is out, help build the cover, and let the person decide how closed-in it should be.
Pattern: 21 Sensory Safe Zones · 38 Attention Sanctuaries
a smell that helps
a hand near a scented thing · “A smell that settles me, or less of one.”
This is a card for the nose. It names smell as a real sensory need — a calming smell to bring close, or a bad one that has to go. Smell is easy for others to miss, and hard to ignore when it's wrong. When this card is out, change the air, not the person.
Pattern: 18 Sensory Thresholds · 37 Sensory Gradients
a snack or a drink
a cup and a small snack · “Something to eat or drink.”
This card names a body need that quietly throws everything else off — hunger, thirst, running low on fuel. This is upkeep, not being off-task. When this card is out, meet it without making it a negotiation.
Pattern: 10 Energy Accounting
a steady sound
a gentle repeating wave · “A calm sound to rest on.”
A steady sound is a gentle, repeating wave — a hum, white noise, a loop to rest on. This card names a need for calm, steady input. A constant sound can cover the sharp, surprising ones. Some quiet is too quiet, and a steady sound fills it kindly. When this card is out, offer the calm sound, and protect it from interruption.
Pattern: 20 Sensory Filtering · 37 Sensory Gradients
a way out
an open door · “A way to leave that I can use.”
A way out is an open door — an exit you can see and use. This card names the need to know you can leave. It's not always about leaving; it's about being sure that leaving is allowed. Often, just knowing the door is there is what makes staying possible. When this card is out, make the exit certain: a clear way to step out, no asking ritual, no penalty for using it.
Pattern: 32 Consent Over Compliance · 35 Predictable Structure
another way to talk
a hand pointing at a card, next to a small whiteboard · “Let me point, write, or show it.”
A pointing hand and a whiteboard — saying it without saying it out loud. This card names the need for another way to communicate: pointing, typing, writing, signing, or showing a card when speech is hard, slow, or gone for now. A different way to talk is not less talking. When this card is out, offer the other channel and wait. Hand over the whiteboard, the device, the cards, and the time, instead of pushing for spoken words.
Pattern: 30 Communication Bandwidth · 27 Interaction Access
busy hands
a fidget in motion · “Something for my hands to do.”
Busy hands is a fidget in motion — something for the hands to do while the rest pays attention. This card names a need for busy hands: a fidget, a texture, a small motion that steadies focus instead of splitting it. Moving hands are often how a person listens. When this card is out, let the hands be busy. The fidget is helping, not distracting.
Pattern: 19 Stim Regulation · 15 Attention Anchors
dim the light
a dial lowering a lamp · “Softer light.”
Dim the light is a dial turned down — harsh brightness eased to something softer. This card names being sensitive to light: bright bulbs, glare, or sheer strength that most people tune out but this body can't. Lowering the light is a change to the room, not a special favor. When this card is out, soften the light where you can, and treat a too-bright room as the thing to fix.
Pattern: 18 Sensory Thresholds · 37 Sensory Gradients
fewer choices
a wall of too many identical doors, with a hand gently sliding all but two aside — a big choice made small and doable · “Fewer things to choose from.”
Fewer choices is a wall of too many doors, with all but a couple slid gently aside. This card names decision overload: when there are so many options that picking any one feels impossible, and the choosing itself uses up energy the person needed for the thing they were choosing. It is different from pulled every way, which is many things tugging at once, and from stuck, which is not being able to get going at all — this is the load of having to decide. Too many options is a real cost, not fussiness or not trying. When this card is out, cut the field down: offer two or three instead of ten, decide the small stuff in advance, or give a first step to start from. Lineage: monotropism — a mind that runs deep on one thing at a time can find a wide spread of open choices especially costly.
headphones
headphones, the noise turned down · “Turn the world down a bit.”
Headphones turn the world's volume down — a wall between the ears and too much sound. This card names a need for less sound: quieter, or filtered, so the rest becomes bearable. This is a fix to the room, not avoidance — the sound was the problem, and turning it down is a fair answer. When this card is out, give the quiet or the headphones freely. Needing less noise is not a failure to put up with it.
Pattern: 20 Sensory Filtering · 18 Sensory Thresholds
just one person
two figures, side by side · “Not a crowd — one person.”
Just one person is two figures side by side — one companion, not a crowd. This card names a need to shrink the social field: one trusted person at a time, where a group would be too much. Liking one-to-one is a real access need, not being antisocial. When this card is out, thin the crowd. Offer a single steady person, and don't make group joining the only way to count as taking part.
Pattern: 06 Social Energy · 34 Collaboration Gradients
keep it the same
the same few things set out in the same order each morning — same cup, same seat — a familiar path worn smooth · “The same way as before.”
Keep it the same is the same few things in the same order, day after day — a path worn smooth. This card names a need for sameness: the same routine, the same way of doing a thing, the same setup, because that steadiness is what keeps the load low and the world predictable. It is different from tell me first, which asks for warning when something has to change — this asks for it not to change at all where it doesn't have to. Wanting things the same is not rigidity or being difficult; it is how many Autistic people save energy and stay regulated. When this card is out, hold the routine steady: keep what works the same, change only what must, and when a change can't be avoided, warn early and go slowly. Lineage: a need for sameness, reframed as a support need rather than the "insistence on sameness" it is often labelled; close kin to monotropism.
less talking
a hushed mouth, a calm face · “Fewer words for a while.”
Less talking is a quiet mouth and a calm face — fewer words in the air. This card names a need for less language to handle: less to take in, less to answer, a break from keeping a conversation going. Quiet together can be a relief, not a gap to fill. When this card is out, ease off the words. Fewer questions, more room, and don't read the quiet as trouble.
Pattern: 30 Communication Bandwidth · 16 Cognitive Load Windows
less to look at
a busy, cluttered wall beside a calm bare one · “Fewer things to look at.”
One wall is crowded with stuff; one wall is calm and bare. This card asks for the bare one. It names visual clutter as its own load: busy walls, bright displays, and too much in view can be as much as too much sound, even when the light is fine. Clearing the view is free. When this card is out, take some things down, or turn the person toward a plainer view. Reduce what there is to look at, not what the person can cope with.
Pattern: 20 Sensory Filtering · 03 Sensory Load
let me come and go
a figure stepping out through an open doorway and back in — a loop of coming and going · “Let me join and slip away as I need.”
Let me come and go is the need to move between being with people and being alone. You join in, slip away to recharge, then come back — on your own rhythm, not a set schedule. Dipping in and out is how many people do their best being-together. It isn't rudeness, avoidance, or flakiness. When this card is out, make coming and going cost nothing: no explaining, no earning your way back in, and permission to lurk, drop in, and leave. Lineage: intermittent collaboration, from Cavendish Space.
Pattern: 34 Collaboration Gradients · 29 Parallel Presence
let me control it
a hand resting on a dimmer switch · “Let me be the one to change it.”
This is a hand on the switch — the person turning the light, the sound, or the thing up or down themselves. This card names control as its own need. It's not one right setting; it's being the one who decides and adjusts. For many people the same input is fine when they hold the dial, and too much when someone else does. When this card is out, hand over the control — the switch, the volume, the timing — instead of setting it for them.
Pattern: 32 Consent Over Compliance · 09 Environment Fit
let me finish
a bookmark being slid into place — a natural stopping point reached · “Let me get to a stopping point first.”
Let me finish is the need to reach a stopping point before switching — not rushed, not cut off partway, but given a moment to bring things to a close. Coming out of deep focus takes time. The mind has to pull its tendrils back in before it can move on, and being stopped mid-thing is jarring and costly. This is different from a warning (tell me first) and from an easy pace (no rush) — it's about landing, not just slowing. When this card is out, offer a stopping point instead of a hard stop: "finish that bit first," a few more minutes, a chance to save your place. Lineage: tendril theory (Erin, @EisforErin).
Pattern: 13 Context Switching Cost · 05 Deep Attention
let me stim
a figure rocking and moving, easy in their own motion · “Let me move and stim the way I need.”
Stimming is how many bodies settle and steady themselves — rocking, flapping, humming, pacing, tapping. This card names the need to move in your own way, freely, without being stopped or corrected. It is regulation and expression, not misbehavior. The freedom to move is part of the freedom to be. When this card is out, make room for the movement and let it be — never still it. Lineage: freedom of embodiment, from the Neuroqueer Learning Spaces Manifesto and Nick Walker's Neuroqueer Heresies.
Pattern: 19 Stim Regulation · 51 Bodymind Affirmation
let me unmask
a figure gently lowering a smiling paper mask away from their face — behind it, their own softer, real expression, shoulders easing. warm and relieved, never scary · “Let me drop the mask here.”
Let me unmask is the need to set the mask down — to stop performing and let your real face show. Masking is the tiring work of hiding Autistic ways of being to seem okay, and it is survival, not a choice. It wears a body out. This card asks for a place, and people, where the performance can stop — where stimming, looking away, or going quiet costs nothing. When this card is out, make it safe to drop the mask: don't correct the stims, don't read quiet or little eye contact as rudeness, and never make seeming "normal" the price of belonging. Lineage: masking / camouflaging; freedom of embodiment, from Nick Walker's Neuroqueer Heresies.
Pattern: 08 Masking Pressure · 51 Bodymind Affirmation
my own spot
a marked place that's mine · “A place that's just mine.”
My own spot is a marked place that belongs to one person — a seat, a corner, a patch of floor. This card names a need for a reliable base: somewhere steady and claimed, safe from being moved or shared without warning. A predictable spot makes it easier to work out where to be each day. When this card is out, protect the spot. Keep it theirs, and give notice before anything about it changes.
Pattern: 35 Predictable Structure · 21 Sensory Safe Zones
no rush
a slow, easy clock · “All the time I need.”
No rush is a slow, easy clock — time without pressure. This card names a need for more time to process: room to think, answer, or move at a pace that isn't someone else's stopwatch. Speed is not the same as understanding, and hurrying often ruins both. When this card is out, take the pressure off the clock. Wait, and let the extra time be there for the taking.
Pattern: 04 Processing Time · 16 Cognitive Load Windows
no spotlight
a figure settled easy at the edge of the room while a beam of attention points somewhere else · “Please don't put me on the spot.”
No spotlight means being let out of the beam of attention — not called on, not watched, not praised in front of everyone. This card names exposure anxiety: for some people, direct attention feels pushy rather than kind. Being looked at, praised, or put on the spot makes them want to hide, even when the wish to join in is still there. Praise and pressure can make it worse, so a calm, side-on approach works better. When this card is out, come at it from the side: sit alongside instead of face to face, skip the praise in front of others, and let the person show what they can do in their own way and time. Lineage: exposure anxiety (Donna Williams).
Pattern: 08 Masking Pressure
one thing at a time
a single thing on a clear table · “One thing, then the next.”
One thing at a time is a single object on a clear table. This card names a need to line work up in order — one task, finished or parked, before the next arrives. Switching between things has a real cost. A pile of open tasks isn't more done; it's more split. This isn't slowness or avoidance — it's how a focused mind spends the least. When this card is out, hand over one thing at a time. Let it reach a stopping place before the next, and don't stack the whole queue in sight.
Pattern: 13 Context Switching Cost · 01 Monotropism
parallel existence
two figures side by side, each in their own world · “Someone alongside me, each doing our own thing.”
Two figures side by side, each in their own world — company without any push to interact. This card names body doubling: being near someone while you each do your own thing. The shared presence steadies you, with no pull to talk or join in. For many people this is the easiest kind of togetherness. When this card is out, offer quiet company. Settle nearby, expect nothing, and don't turn it into a conversation.
Pattern: 29 Parallel Presence · 23 Co-Regulation
room to move
open floor, space to pace or spin · “Space to move my body.”
Room to move is open floor — space to pace, rock, spin, or stim. This card names a need for movement: motion that helps a body settle and think, not fidgeting to be stopped. Bodies that move to focus are doing exactly what they should. When this card is out, make space for the movement instead of asking the body to be still. Stillness is not the goal.
Pattern: 19 Stim Regulation · 50 Bodymind Break
say it straight
a straight arrow, not a curving one · “Say what you mean.”
Say it straight is a straight arrow, not a detour. This card names a need for plain, direct words — say what you mean, with no hints and no reading between the lines. The gap runs both ways. Indirect meaning takes real effort to decode, and leaves room to get it wrong. That is the double empathy problem (Milton, 2012), not a failure to read people. When this card is out, be direct: plain requests, clear feedback, no hidden test. A clear "no" is kinder than a soft maybe.
Pattern: 30 Communication Bandwidth
sit my way
a floor cushion, a wobble stool, and someone standing · “Let me sit or stand how I like.”
Three ways to be where a chair would go — on the floor, on a wobble stool, or standing. This card names posture as a choice. A body settles and pays attention differently depending on how it's allowed to sit, move, or stand, and the "proper" way is often the worst fit. Letting the body choose costs nothing. When this card is out, widen the options — floor, cushion, stool, standing, moving — instead of asking the person to sit still and straight.
Pattern: 19 Stim Regulation · 32 Consent Over Compliance
something soft
a plush thing to hold · “Something to hold and squeeze.”
Something soft is a plush thing to hold — comfort and grounding through touch. This card names a need for something to hold onto: something gentle to squeeze, stroke, or keep close when the world is a lot. Holding an object to steady yourself is a real way to cope, not babyish. When this card is out, let the soft thing stay. Comfort objects belong wherever the person does.
Pattern: 15 Attention Anchors · 18 Sensory Thresholds
something to chew
a chewy tool · “Something to chew or crunch.”
Something to chew is a chewy tool — safe input for the mouth, a chew or a crunch. This card names a need to chew: biting or crunching that helps a body settle and calm. This is a known sensory strategy, met with a safe tool, not corrected. When this card is out, provide a proper chew and treat the need as ordinary. It is not misbehavior.
Pattern: 18 Sensory Thresholds · 19 Stim Regulation
tell me first
a small heads-up sign · “Let me know before it changes.”
Tell me first is a small heads-up sign — a warning before a change. This card names a need to know what's coming, so a change doesn't arrive as a shock. Surprise is costly for many nervous systems, and a heads-up is cheap to give. When this card is out, say what's next before it happens, every time you can.
Pattern: 35 Predictable Structure · 13 Context Switching Cost
the right temperature
a blanket on one side, a fan on the other · “Warmer, or cooler.”
Warmth on one side, cool air on the other — the body asking for a different temperature. This card names temperature as a real sensory need. Too warm or too cold can fill a body up as much as noise or light can, and it's easy for others to miss. A layer, a fan, an open window, or a warm drink all help. When this card is out, change the temperature around the person — add or take away a layer, move the air — instead of telling them they're fine.
Pattern: 18 Sensory Thresholds · 37 Sensory Gradients
your own
a blank card and a pencil · “Something else that helps.”
It names the gap: a help no card catches. When this card is out, draw or write the missing one together — the deck grows from what people actually need.
Lily pads
Stepping stones for the crossings between one thing and the next — drop one onto the table anytime. A pause, a not-yet, a ready-now. Each is a place to land and push off from, never a failure.
i need a minute
a figure resting on a lily pad · “Pausing here. Not leaving.”
"I need a minute" is a figure resting on a lily pad partway across — a pause, not a goodbye. It names the need to stop for a moment and gather before going on: still in it, just not moving yet. A pause is part of the crossing, not a refusal of it. When this card is out, hold the moment open. Stop the clock, don't fill the quiet, and let the minute really be a minute.
Pattern: 22 Regulation Windows · 07 Regulation First
not yet
a gentle raised hand · “I'm not ready to move.”
"Not yet" is a gently raised hand — asking for more time before a change. It names readiness that hasn't arrived: not a no, just "not at this moment." Honoring "not yet" is how you keep a change from becoming a fight. When this card is out, wait for ready. Check back instead of pushing, and let the move happen when it can.
Pattern: 04 Processing Time · 32 Consent Over Compliance
slowly
a gentle bridge between two pads · “Ease me across, one step.”
"Slowly" is a gentle bridge between two lily pads — a change taken one careful step at a time. It names a need to cross in stages: not no, but not all at once — ease across with support. Some changes only work when they're broken into steps. When this card is out, build the bridge. Step it down, go at their pace, and don't turn the crossing into one big leap.
Pattern: 13 Context Switching Cost · 35 Predictable Structure
watch first
eyes at the edge of a group · “Let me look before I join.”
"Watch first" is a pair of eyes at the edge of a group — looking before going in. It names a real way of joining in: taking part by watching until things are clear enough to step into. Watching is taking part, not shyness to be pushed past. When this card is out, let the watching stand. No coaxing to join, and count the edge of the group as being in it.
Pattern: 34 Collaboration Gradients · 27 Interaction Access
coming back
a footprint returning to a spot · “I'll be back — hold my place.”
"Coming back" is a footprint returning to a spot — leaving with a promise to return. It names a need to step away without losing your place: leaving to settle, not to quit. Leaving and coming back is a plan, not giving up. When this card is out, hold their place. Keep the spot, the task, and the welcome ready for when they return.
Pattern: 12 Energy Recovery · 13 Context Switching Cost
ready now
a foot stepping forward · “I'm ready to shift.”
"Ready now" is a foot stepping forward — the green light for a change, on the person's own signal. It names readiness that has arrived: the move can happen because they say so, not because the schedule does. Letting the person call "ready" gives the change back to them. When this card is out, go when they go. Follow their timing, and treat their signal as the one that counts.
Pattern: 32 Consent Over Compliance · 13 Context Switching Cost
i want to stay a while
a figure settled on a lily pad · “I'm good here. Let me stay.”
This card names the wish to stay put — not stuck, not avoiding, just not done yet. Wanting to stay is as okay as wanting to move on. When this card is out, let the staying stand. Don't hurry the crossing just because the schedule wants it.
Pattern: 05 Deep Attention · 01 Monotropism
all done
a closed, contented loop · “I'm finished here.”
"All done" is a closed, happy loop — a clean ending, chosen. It names finishing: this is done, and it's theirs to call. Calling your own ending is different from being made to stop. When this card is out, honor the ending. Let "done" mean done — no one-more-thing, and no arguing over whether it really is.
Pattern: 32 Consent Over Compliance · 13 Context Switching Cost
stuck
a figure paused between two pads · “I can't get going. That's okay.”
"Stuck" is a figure paused between two lily pads, unable to get going for now. This is a real state, not something to scold — the engine won't start yet, and that tells you about the moment, not the person. Stuck is a place to rest, never a failure. When this card is out, don't push them across the gap. Ask what would help them where they are, or offer a what-helps card and let them choose.
Pattern: 13 Context Switching Cost · 16 Cognitive Load Windows
your own
a blank card and a pencil · “A moment that isn't here yet.”
It names the gap: a moment no card catches. When this card is out, draw or write the missing one together — the deck grows from what people actually need.
Love Locutions
Things that are true about you — you belong, you can rest, you're not broken. Turning one up claims it out loud: I need this said, and heard.
Penguin pebbling. Giving someone a Love Locution is penguin pebbling — penguins bring each other pebbles, and these cards are pebbles you can hand to a person. On paper, the cards are made to be given this way. In the web app they work the other way round, too: truths a person claims and turns up for themselves.
i see you
eyes meeting, kindly · given or claimed
"I see you" is eyes meeting, kindly — the plain fact of being truly noticed. It says: you are not looked past, not managed, but really seen and known. Being seen as yourself is rare, and it steadies you. When this card is given, let it be true. See the actual person in front of you, and let them feel it.
Pattern: 23 Co-Regulation · 51 Bodymind Affirmation
i'm glad you're here
two figures, warm together · given or claimed
"I'm glad you're here" is two figures warm together — simple gladness that someone is near. It says: you are wanted, not just put up with. Your being here is a good thing to someone. Being glad of a person is not the same as liking what they did. When this card is given, attach it to the person, not their behavior — glad they're here, full stop.
Pattern: 51 Bodymind Affirmation · 44 Ecologies of Care
it's okay to need what you need
an open, unjudging space · given or claimed
"It's okay to need what you need" is an open space with no judgment — room to have your own needs. It says: your needs are fine exactly as they are. Not too much, not embarrassing, not up for debate. Needing support is not a flaw. When this card is given, drop the judgment completely. The need is fine, and asking for it should cost nothing.
Pattern: 51 Bodymind Affirmation · 32 Consent Over Compliance
nothing to fix
a whole thing, left as it is · given or claimed
"Nothing to fix" is a whole thing, left as it is — no urge to repair it. It says: you are not a project, and this moment does not need to improve you. The urge to fix a person often does the harm. When this card is given, set the fixing down. Be with the person as they are, instead of working on them.
Pattern: 51 Bodymind Affirmation · 39 Average User Fallacy
you belong here
a hand held out, welcoming · given or claimed
"You belong here" is a hand held out in welcome — belonging offered plainly. It says: you are part of this, not on trial in it. Belonging you have to earn isn't really belonging. When this card is given, mean it with no strings. Offer it because the person is here, never as a reward for fitting in.
Pattern: 51 Bodymind Affirmation · 44 Ecologies of Care
you can rest
a soft place to lie down · given or claimed
"You can rest" is a soft place to lie down — permission to stop. It says: rest is allowed, and no one has to earn it. You can stop trying so hard, and nothing bad follows. Rest you only get when you "deserve" it isn't rest. When this card is given, make the permission real. Clear the demands, and let stopping be truly safe.
Pattern: 12 Energy Recovery · 50 Bodymind Break
you don't have to talk
a calm, open space with no question hanging in the air · given or claimed
"You don't have to talk" is a calm, open space with no question hanging in it — quiet made welcome. It says: not speaking is not the same as not knowing. Speech is not the measure of a mind, and staying quiet costs nothing here. Presume competence: the quiet person is thinking, understanding, and fully here, whether or not the words come out. When this card is given, mean it with no test — no coaxing for "just one word," no reward for speaking, just real ease with the quiet. Lineage: presume competence.
Pattern: 51 Bodymind Affirmation · 30 Communication Bandwidth
your own
a blank card and a pencil · given or claimed
It names the gap: a kind thing to give that no card holds yet. When this card is given, make or write your own — the deck grows from what people actually offer each other.
your way is a real way
many paths, all valid · given or claimed
"Your way is a real way" is many paths, all of them good — a person's own way honored. It says: a different route to the same place still counts. Your way of doing, thinking, or being is not a wrong version of someone else's. Different is not deficient. When this card is given, back it up in practice. Let the person's way actually stand, instead of praising it and then overriding it.
Pattern: 45 Cognitive Pluralism · 51 Bodymind Affirmation
you're not broken
whole, unbroken shape · given or claimed
"You're not broken" is a whole shape, not a broken one — the heart of the deck, said straight to a person. Your difference is real and your struggle is real, but neither one makes you broken: broken systems, not broken people. When this card is given, it answers a lifetime of the opposite message — so give it plainly and often, and don't add a "but."
Pattern: 51 Bodymind Affirmation · 39 Average User Fallacy